You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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