Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
