I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
