A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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