There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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