Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
