i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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