3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
