The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
