he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
