i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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