there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
