Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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