yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
