I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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