I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
