so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pants are for mortals
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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