I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
