there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
