Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
