Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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