Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
