Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
