her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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