Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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