Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
