i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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