So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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