If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
