So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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