wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
