Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
