be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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