Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
