i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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