You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
