just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
