She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
