That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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