we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
