I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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