But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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