around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
