Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
