Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
