i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
