Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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