I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
