i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
