i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Who died my cat blue again?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
