this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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