my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
