Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
